Exhaustion- The Flavour of Fear

I never was a fan of Duck, Duck, Goose. The game always raised so many questions. Mainly over my athletic state of being but even conceptually, I never found a more zero-sum transaction. Firstly by not allowing participants to move around it fences them and then randomly with no notice assigns them as this new authority doomed to curse someone else. I really was not good at the game. But this game itself seems like the perfect metaphor for resigned fatigue. 

The "Chakravyuh" from the Mahabharat was regarded as the best strategic maneuver which could not be countered by the supremely skilled warriors of their time. Its true strength lay in how the intensity and skill of the warriors increased as one further dove into the formation. It was meant to be unyielding, unending and unbeatable. While the tactical benefits can be detailed by many skilled researchers, what I think is the sharpest weapon in this is probably the psychology of it. The past few years have been a dive into an "Unbalanced Story". Institutions are failing (always were failing?), people are being manipulated (always were manipulated?) and there is just a general sense of chaos that demands submission. 

The pandemic probably best reflects the reality of these times which otherwise might be lost in the motions of daily life. The beginning of it that supposedly could be thought isolated and remote yet it affected the globe. In the same way we permit circumstances that enable our daily struggles. We allow our attention to be diverted from necessities as means to deal with our own supposed insignificance. War, consumerist pursuits, misinformation laden politics. Nothing but short-term noise that is inherently meant as a speed breaker to disrupt what should be assured freedom. These aren't what we are meant to live for and yet, here we are. 

The nature of the virus to affect some people worse than others and make you fear in your daily view of the world. That's what the inequity in the world has always been about. A world that assumes opportunities are only dependent on a person's willingness and can't see the real barriers that surround and exclude people. And this system feeds on everyone's push for creating more for themselves for the fear of falling out of the larger support of comfort.

The transforming variants, that make vaccinations irrelevant and keep you afflicted with a strange sense of déjà vu. The multiplying problems which our participation creates are uncannily alike to the future of Covid. It is a reality that will always be around and the expectation is not around resolving the problem but a strange sense of acceptance that asks you to just accept it and move on. Something about it feels so strangely surrendering that it makes you think whether there really is any participation at all? Or is it more of just a series of things that are happening to you. In which case how different are you from rocks or trees.

But the result. The result is just a perpetual cycle that completely drains you. It is a staple of listlessness that brings out an unwillingness to participate in your life itself. It feels like an inner revolt where your refusal to fully immerse yourself in your surroundings is the only thing keeping you safe. Forgetting even for a second all the terrible things around seems like a slip into a false sense of security and the fear of that is debilitating. And so there you are in the end. Staring everywhere for a meaning you are not ready to accept and hence, exhausted.